Happy Birthday

 

The birth of a child, the birth of a grandchild and

the death of a loved one

There are days that are filled with more memories than others, the days that stand out among others.

I choose to remember the birth. The death of a child is something that never leaves, it stays with you every day, the loss is more that I can even begin to explain. And I cry every time I see, read or hear about someone loosing their child, I understand and live the journey they are going to go through every day.

 
But the birth?  That's an amazing thing, a little guy created by two people, my god what an amazing day that was.  Watching him grow into a young man, remembering the things (both good and bad) that he did, smoking sticks in the back yard, the bicycles, the skateboards, the in line skates, riding bitch with me every chance he got (until it became "I'm too old for that") riding his dirt bike down the street, the look in his eyes when he got on his first Harley, the comments he made when he was "forced" to ride bitch yet one more time after his Harley broke down and we pulled into Sonic (he couldn't get off the back fast enough), the tears when he experienced the birth of his own child and the look in his eyes, and the conversation we had the last time we were together.

While May 28, 2013 will never leave me and I will always remember it, I would rather celebrate, laugh, share the memories and remember the things that made him who he is on October 29th instead.

May 28th will just have to be a "re-birth" day.

Time to go

What is this crazy thing called "social media" and what does it bring to our lives?  

I've been asking myself that the past month and I'm really not sure what it does for me, sure I post a ton of stuff, things I find funny, pictures of the grand kids, more selfies that any one person could ever take (by the way, I can teach you how), and things about Nic that have ripped my heart out.

So,,I think it might be time for a break.

Am I going away and shutting down facebook, instagram, twitter, pinterest, foursquare?  Nah, but I'm shutting down posting for a bit or until I get in a better place. 

So,,,if you want to know what's going on in my world you'll just have to follow the pages that I manage.

So long for now.

It's been 500 Days

• 500 days since I saw the Facebook post
• 500 days since I made the call to the middle child asking "what car is your mother driving today"
• 500 days since I "just knew"
• 500 days since I started throwing clothes in a suitcase
• 500 days since I started the long drive back to Wichita
• 500 days since I arrived at the garage and found more sorrow, shock and disbelief that I had  witnessed in my entire life up to that point
• 500 days since I lost my baby boy, my riding buddy and the father of my grand daughter
• 500 days since a brother would never walk through the garage or be early for dinner
• 500 days since an uncle would never jump on the trampoline, build legos or play cops and robbers
• 500 days of sadness, anger, lost hope, lost faith and lost dreams of what could have been
• 500 days of lost times with a daughter that adored her daddy
• 500 days that missed the first day of school, the first tooth falling out and her broken leg
• 500 days of wishing it was just a bad dream but it's not
• 500 days that I would gladly change places

Is it any easier? No, and I'm not sure that it's any softer yet either.

I watched my oldest grandson this weekend

This weekend my oldest was in the play "Charlotte's Web" presented by the Wichita Children's Theatre where he played Wilbur. 

Just a couple of things that struck me,

The cast couldn't think of names for the three baby spiders of Charlotte that decide to stay at the barn after they are born.  Two girl spiders and one boy spider, they came up with the names for the girls and when it came time to name the boy Aidan suggested "Nic".  The first night of the play I couldn't control the tears, not just from the name, but from what Aidan suggested for a name.

Listening to the play on Saturday (I think I was wrapped up on Friday's performance with paying more attention to Aidan than the rest of the play) I started thinking about how the play followed Nic's life (not that the play was written for him, or that I even know the meaning behind the play), but Charlotte reminded me of Nic.

• Charlotte looked out for the "runt pig" / Nic was always there looking out for others, helping them whenever he could, not even thinking about the consequences in his own life.
• Everyone of the animals and humans in the barnyard loved Charlotte / I never heard anyone say anything other than good things about Nic, even the older crowd at the VFW loved the kid, and enjoyed talking to him.
• Charlotte left behind 514 babies, now, Nic only had one, so how does that relate?  Well, 511 of the babies that Charlotte had flew away on their web strand (maybe that's how many he touched in his life that went out and played it forward), Three of them stayed behind to be close to Wilbur and to learn more and share more about Charlotte (are those three Vickie, Reniece and Adriane?)  Did they stay behind to share the memory of Nic with everyone or did they just stay behind to share the memory of a great dad, brother, uncle and son?

I have no clue, all I can tell you is that as I sat there I felt like Wilbur at the end of the play, keep the memory alive and don't ever forget what he did, and above all, share it with my Warrior Princess HJ.