Merry Christmas Son

Oh how I wish that I could text that and get a response, but I'll just have to settle for thinking it and believing that he hears me and can feel the amount of love that's still in my heart for him.


Memories of past Christmas's flooded my head and flowed out of my heart last night with all the kids and family, tears flowed in my (go out to the garage and smoke) alone time and again when I got home, they don't stop, I think I just run out of water.

So how do I plug the hole in my heart so I don't run out of memories?  That's my biggest fear, running out of the memories.  The new memories that are created are great, don't get me wrong, but I want to hold so desperately to the old ones at the same time.

Have you seen how much that little girl of yours has grown up?  She's so much like you every time I see her, the look in her eye, the mannerisms, OMG, you can't believe how if felt like you were right there Sunday night at the store, with the looks she gave some of the employees.

What can I leave all of you with this Christmas Season?  Create new memories, remember the old ones, and fill your heart with so many that it feels like it's going to explode is all I can share with you,

Merry Christmas Son...

Pennies from above

I'm not going to lie to you, Christmas isn't what it was at one time for me. 

Pre 2013 it was my favorite time of the year, I was "Clark Griswold" lights all over the house, multiple trees in the house (western, chili, barbie, traditional and Harley Davidson) inflatables, Santa, his sleigh and a couple of reindeer in the yard, hand made wooden angels, and did I mention lights all over the house?

My little helper wasn't there to help anymore, but his tree was still up (he never took it down) and the empty just sucked the joy and excitement out of the season.

I know he's looking in on that little girl of his, but at Christmas it's just not the same as having him right there next to her helping her open her presents, seeing the joy in her eyes when she would look at him and seeing that hug between the two of them.

I don't know if you ever saw the movie "Nine Months" but I'd give anything to see him dancing with that little girl or to hold him just one more time.  http://youtu.be/_lyve_egY8o

I'm trying to let it back in and maybe someday it will be there again, but for now, I'll just put on my happy face, enjoy the grand kids and muddle through another year without him here.