My promise to you..

I have not been the most friendly or kind person I can be over the past few weeks.  I've let anger, sadness and hurt rule me and for that I am truly sorry.

I'm a poster, I post things on facebook, twitter and instagram, that I'm feeling at the time, I post things that just reach out and smack me in the back of the head and I post things that just make sense to me at the time.  Enter snapchat, that's my place to post shit that means absolutely nothing, no hidden agenda, no barbs, no deep thoughts, just shit.

Right now I'm in the middle of packing to move, there are things that make me smile that I come across and there are things that make me sad for a few moments that I come across.  I've committed myself to sharing what I'm feeling or thinking and with that comes the addition of sadness with someone else.  It's not my intent, but if I've learned anything over the past few years it's that if you're hiding you're not adding anything significant, you're not building any trust and god knows I've done enough to destroy that.

So, moving forward, I'm going to be kinder, I'm going to be more gentle, I'm going to share my feelings and I promise I'll do my very best to  always be...

How about you, what's making you so angry, 

sad, hurt, mad, depressed, upset, or left out that you can't 

always be...

Water your lawn..

I've been the best person I know how to be, I've been the worst person I could ever be and in between I've loved hard, I've cried, I've been angry, I've been happy I've been sad and I've been glad, I've made small and big mistakes and there are many things I've learned.

I've cheated, I've lied, I've loved, I've loved harder, I've been angry, I've thrown stones, I've been pot to kettle, I've demanded and I've allowed, I've waiting and I've caused others to wait, I've been sad, and I've learned..

• I've learned that grief causes you to make bad decisions, bad decisions romantically, physically, emotionally and financially
• I've learned that grief causes you to not want to create pain in those that you love and care about by clouding your thoughts
• I believe that when you say you want to take a break from something and immediately add something or someone to the mix that it destroys any possibility of ever coming out of the break
• I should have not allowed my grief to not allow me to become fully engaged and allow others to be fully engaged in my life
• I've learned that once trust is broken it's almost never regained if the same thing that caused the trust to go away in the first place continues to happen
• I'm guilty as charged in the above point and only hope that I can make the change I need to so that trust can be built once again
• I've learned that you need to either fully in or fully out, don't be a fence rider
• I've learned that if you really want something you should go fight for it
• I've learned that if someone really wants you they'll fight for you and if they don't fight then you were never really worth the struggle
• I've learned that there are people that find it easier to walk away when you hit the low point in your life because that low point consumes your happiness
• I've learned that communication is the most important thing to a healthy relationship but it has to be received as well
• I've learned that cheating is cheating whether it's emotional or physical
• I've learned that hiding is never healthy
• I've learned that while the grass may seem greener on the other side you still have to mow, fertilize and water and if you don't the grass will become greener in the next yard
• I've learned that I can become angry and filled with hate in a matter of seconds when pushed to a breaking point
• I've learned that I lash out on social media and it doesn't make me happy
• I've learned that I can eliminate hate and anger almost as quickly as I can allow it to control me
• I've learned that some things never die

I'm about to embark on a new old  journey and hope that I can apply everything that I've learned.

If you're embarking on a new journey I hope that you learn to apply the things you've learned and consider changing the things you've learned are not attractive attributes as well.

Water your lawn.