I'm Just Sayin: November 2013

It once was

my favorite
a time were star's were in my eyes for 25 days
a time that i over spent
a time that i over ate
a night that i couldn't wait to arrive
a night that i would be re-born by little kids
a time that i still belived
a night that i'd laugh at all the paper on the floor
a time that i'd have crackling fires burning non stop
the only time i didn't mind crowds in the store
a time that being in a store past midnight never bothered me
a time that dancing and singing while decorating was a joy

they're gone this year, i can't wait for 2014, maybe it will come back to some degree.

Hi, my name is Kurt and I'm a Criminal Minds fan

I admit it, I'm a fan.

I like the show for the plot, the laughs (at times), the depths of just how dark some peoples struggles can be, the friendship of the characters that is shown, and for some of the most amazing quotes that make me think and wonder.

Maybe I like it because I understand the darkness or I understand the friendship that is there. I was a cop's kid, and I always wondered why the only friends that ever came over were other cop's. Fast forward a few years and I understood perfectly, the things you see and the people you see in that line of work can't be understood by John Q. Public. You see the worst of everything, the worst in everyone, and the only way to let the things go that you've seen is to share them out loud. It's not sit around the table talk, it's not tell your friend in the bar and it's not just share with everyone talk.

What it does is teach you to stop sharing openly with everyone and their brother, and at the same time it fashions you for life if you let it. Sharing ends, trust ends, you find the worst in everything and your read into everything.

How do you get over that part? You allow yourself to become open, you meet people that tell you it's OK to share what you're feeling, you talk and they listen (sometimes you talk too much), you seek out those that have no hidden agenda and you start over. Is it easy? Oh hell no,

Are you a fan?
Have you watched it?
Have you listened to the opening and closing quotes?
Have you heard lines or quotes during the show that just jump out at you?

Just last night I was catching up on the last four that I'd missed, and whether it's the state of mind I was in, what I was feeling at the time, or I just thought it was something I wanted to remember a few jumped out at me which got me to wondering if I'd missed some along the way. Well who knew there was a website with all of the quotes listed as well as links to other quotes that were along the same lines,,,,,,,,,,so here my friends are a select few of the ones that hit me today.

Hotch: I want to stay with you.
Haley: I know you're the big boss man but can't always have your way you know. Sometimes you just have to roll with it.
Hotch: I don't know how.
Haley: Happiness is a choice. So choose.
Hotch: But how do I choose?
Haley: Get out of your head. The heart is the one that knows, so follow it. - See more at: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/criminal-minds/episodes/route-66/#sthash.l8VEPqBk.dpuf

Hotch: But I want to stay with you
Haley: I know you're the big boss man but you can't always have your way, sometimes you just have to roll with it.
Hotch: But I don't know how
Haley: Happiness is a choice, so choose
Hotch: But how do I choose?
Haley: The heart is the one that knows, so get out of your head and listen to your heart

"life is a dream, realize it" - mother theresa

"death ends a life, not a relationship" - mitch albom

"they mess you up, your mom and dad. they may not mean to, but they do. they fill you with the faults they had, and add some extra, just for you" - philip larkin

"love never dies a natural death. it dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. it dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings" - anais nin

I know you're the big boss man but can't always have your way you know - See more at: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/criminal-minds/episodes/route-66/#sthash.l8VEPqBk.dpuf

So my question is,
what quotes reach out and hit you?
do you have a favorite or are your favorites your favorites at the moment?
and just how open are you?

Criminal Minds Quotes
Mitch Albom Quotes

The swirling inside my head right now

there are inside thoughts and outside thoughts.

outside thoughts -

thoughts of my son and how much i miss him, the holidays will never be the same without seeing his quirky smile, that noise that he always made, the rough housing with his nephews and the glow on his face around his daughter. his birthday this year was a tough one, halloween without him was difficult and i can't even imagine what tomorrow and the weeks leading into christmas will be like.

thoughts of my daughters and how proud i am of each of them for the way they are raising my grandsons, those boys are the most precious things in the world to me, they keep me on my toes with their questions, the look in their eyes when i pick them up melts me in my tracks, and the things they say out of the blue cracks me up every time

thoughts of my grand daughter, nic's sweet harley-jane, when she walks in the room it glows, i can see him in her and i'm flooded with emotion, every hug is amazing and i'm hugging two people at the same time

inside thoughts -

where am i, where am i going, what the hell happened, why did it happen, i've got plenty of them,,,but like the word implies, they are inside ones that are not shared very often or even freely, and when they are it's only within that special circle

Totally Confused

Focus
Lucid Dreams
Soul Pieces
Arizona / New Mexico
East Texas to the East Coast
Tennessee to the Gulf
Heart Healing
Cigarette Extraction

I don't understand it, but.........someone said a few weeks ago understand that you won't understand.

Life......sometimes it just is, or is it?

We tend to (I tend to?) make life more difficult than it really is or should be,

Communicating becomes non existent
Listening becomes less and less frequent
Parenting becomes more and more difficult
Blame becomes easier and easier
What causes all of this?

When did I stop listening, talking and communicating in a calm manner?
When did I become less important in the day to day stuff?
When did I become even less important in the things that are really important?
When did it become easier to blame everyone else for the problem?
When do I accept or maybe just realize that the problems began years ago?
When do I become more concerned with my own feelings that those of others?

I've made a ton of mistakes in my life, relationships with my kids is at the top of my list of "can I get a do over" but at the end of the day I look back and realize that I did the best that I could at the time, they turned out to be pretty damn good kids and I that you were a part of their life, and what I gave and taught them will move forward for generations.

Are there things I'd do differently? Hell yes,,,,,
I'd love more
I'd make more time
I'd listen better
I'd attend more school musicals
I'd buy fewer cars
I'd ride more

But the one thing that I'd do even more is tell them I love them, maybe I got another chance...I really believe that's what grandchildren are here for..........

Stay tuned....

I've discovered that I really miss writing (not that I'm the best) on here, and there are certain blogs that I enjoy reading, certain blogs I miss reading and other blogs that I follow that I probably could live without reading.

A lot has changed over the past year, some good, some great, some bad, some that I would not have imagined in my worst dreams, and other changes that just are.

Maybe it's a time to walk down memory lane, share what I've been through, journal my time or just ramble on and on..........

Here's what I know...........the past couple of weeks I've felt more alive that I have in quite some time. Maybe that's where I start........