It's good to go back and read.

I had every intention of reading this at his celebration, but three words in I was a mess.  A call to a really good friend Carl Owens (Christian Motorcycle Riders Group) was all it took for him to come to my rescue and for that I'll forever be in his debt.

From his dad / “the old man”

Nicholas Richard Oswald - what’s in a name and who was this son of ours? Nic was born on October 29, 1985 in Wichita Kansas. He was the third child, and an oops baby.

But what an oops baby he was! Always full of life......bicycles were not just bicycles to him - they were jumping machines, ride on the back wheel, front wheel, spinning machines. He was Evil Knievel on them. Give him roller blades and skateboards and he was his own personal X-Game.

He was the gleam in his PaPa’s eyes, living on every word that PaPa Dick uttered.

Learning all about working on cars, working with wood, building and fixing were the things that memories were made of for those two. Car shows in Wichita, Oklahoma City

and Tulsa were the norm for both of them. Nic even chased Carrie Underwood and caught her a couple of times! His Cousin Josh said numerous times that was when she was just Carrie Underwood and not THE CARRIE UNDERWOOD.

We moved back to Wichita from Topeka in 2001 and had our moments - like all dads and their sons. We fought, loved, liked, disliked, complained and found that we really were not that different. It’s amazing what happens at a time like this, you can’t really remember any of the so called bad times...and maybe that’s God’s way of making sure

that every memory we have is a loving one.

Four years ago Nic became the father of HarleyJane - I still remember sitting at the Vagabond right before the Toy Run in 2008 and someone walking up to me saying, “Congratulations Ozzy! I hear you’re going to have a granddaughter.” To which I

responded, “...um, no. Not that I’m aware of.” ‘Oh, must be someone else then.” I heard it two more times that day and called Vic to see if someone in the family was pregnant and I hadn’t heard.

Two weeks later, the night before Thanksgiving, Nic called and asked if he could come over early on Turkey day. I said, “Sure come on over. Anything in particular?” “No, I just need to talk to you for a bit.......” The next morning Nic and Ciera show up, I’m in my usual King Throne at the Ponderosa and they’re sitting on the other end of the room -

“Dad, you remember after I sold my bike I told you I’d have another Harley? Well I’m getting one in April”. “So that’s my granddaughter's name, aye?” It was like a rush of relief washed over him.

HarleyJane became his world, his love and his life. Through her he will continue to be here.

His sisters Reniece and Adrianne had their moments as well with him and it was never a dull time in the Oswald house - games, fights, smoking behind the bushes in the backyard, telling him he was born a girl, teasing, telling on each other and the screams

of “Mom!!” were just normal days.

I’ve heard some amazing stories about Nic the past week. How he would stop on the road to help someone that had a flat tire or needed gas, giving a stranger the only $2 he had so they could get a bottle of water, mowing someone’s grass who needed a hand

and on and on...

Our best times were when he had a bike - starting out on a Sportster, then another Sportster, to the high powered custom FLH and finally his “green machine” that we bought from Scott Shirkey. He loved that bike and we had some amazing rides - poker

runs, trips, bike nights, making new friends, meeting up with old friends, Cassoday, Beaumont, Cottonwood Falls, the motorcycle museum, Topeka and riding so fast that our angels were in overdrive just to keep up. He had his own unique way of riding -

right foot twisted to the side on the forward control, a handkerchief always tied on his belt loop, the trucker cap flipped backwards, baggy-legged jeans with his chucks, a tshirt  and those mirrored, highway patrolman glasses were his signature trademark --

and he never even tried for a look. It just was his.

The picture that is on my Facebook cover is the one and only time that he ever showed up at a ride before me. And it is a perfect way to think about him now. It screams out to me, “Hey old man, I’ll be sitting here waiting on you for that next ride.”

The last time we were together was on Mothers Day. I came in town and stayed a couple of extra days. We met at Morts, we toasted each other a couple of times, and then met the girls for dinner afterwards. It was one of the best days of my life. The four of us together, no outsiders, no other family, just me and my kids. Three of my favorite

pictures were taken that night as well. Nic alone, Nic and I after we toasted and the four of us together. Can you spend too much time with your kids? Can you tell them you love them enough? Can you ever love them enough? I don’t think so! Can you wish

you had told them, shown them, held them, kissed them enough? Absolutely!

For the brief time that Nic was with us he was the sparkle in my eye. I was proud of him for being the dad that he was, the man that he was. And through all of the good times, the bad times, the ups and downs, he was my son and I couldn’t have been more proud

of him.

I have a journal-type book that I would love for you to share a thought about Nic - take a minute and write down something that stood out about him. This last week has been a blur and I know that I won’t remember what some of you have said, or the stories that

I’ve been told about him. If you could share something it will last forever in my heart on those days that are just one foot in front of the other or those days that I need to just breathe.

My dream is that each of you go home from here and tonight call your kids, your parents, or that one special friend...tell them you love them, make up with them, hug them if they are close...because you never know what may happen tomorrow.

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Victoria / Nic’s mother

When Nic was born he grabbed a piece of my heart. My baby boy!

He grew into a wonderful caring loving young man. He was a “never met a stranger” type of guy, and was always there to help anyone.

People may of thought that I gave too much and took care of Nic, I did. However, what he gave back to me cannot be put into words.

When Nic left this world I gave him another piece of my heart. You will always be my baby. Love you, Mom

PS, how do you like my new tat?

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Reniece / the oldest sister

Nic, I don’t know if it will ever sink in that you are really gone. At family gatherings I am always going to expect my doorbell to ring 30 minutes before everyone gets there,

because you were always early. Everyone will just have to get used to cold food because I am sure I will still be rushing Marc to hurry and get stuff ready early.

I will always have my own little reminder of you in my garage. You put that silly pink flower on the ceiling that no one could reach down. The only way it got up there is because you were so stinkin tall...it will always be my “Nic”.

I love you baby brother, until I see you again.

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Adiranne / the younger sister

Nic, I used to joke that we were twins born 3 years apart, but it was true. You’d never meet two siblings more alike than us.

He was the one I could be completely goofy with and wouldn’t judge me. We’d joke, make fun, laugh at each others stupid jokes and quirks so hard we’d have tears in our eyes.

I’m going to miss him stopping by daily just to bum a cigarette, but he’d end up staying for hours talking, playing with my boys, or just being there with us. He loved being with all the kiddos, building new lego forts, jumping on the trampoline, giving Austin tattoos

that looked like his. He was the best Uncle to all the boys.

The last Saturday we spent together was one of the best. Washing cars, dancing silly and singing loud. I’m going to hold that memory along with the million others I have and of course you, baby brother, in my heart forever. I’ll see you again someday. But until then.......watch over us all - Love you Nic.

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Marc / The brother-in-law married to Reniece

Nic, I walked into my garage this morning and saw that damned plastic flower you stuck on the ceiling. I thought it was incredibly fitting that it’s still there because no one else is tall enough to get it down. It will stay there along with so many things in our lives as a

reminder of you and your awesome quirkiness.

I never took the time to tell you how thankful I am for how incredible an Uncle you were to my own kids. it always amazed me how patient and fun you were with not only your own daughter, but with all of our kids. I want you to know that I aspire to have my boys look at me the way HarleyJane looks at you.

I love you brother, and I’m serious when I say save me a seat close to the man in black. Until then - God Speed buddy

PS - I promise that between me, James and the five boys, HarleyJane won’t date until she is at least 35.

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James / the brother-in-law married to Adrianne

What I remember most is how jealous I would get when he was around, because when he was around I didn’t exist. My two boys loved him more than I can describe.

He was the best lego builder with Aidan and the best bad guy playing cops and robbers with Austin. There will never be a better uncle to my boys or a better father than I have witnessed him being to HarleyJane. He would put the kids first and everything else

second!

And for that you will truly be missed.

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Aidan, 8, Nic’s oldest nephew said - “You built cool lego forts, your favorite Star Wars character was Darth Vader. I love you.”

Jaxon, 8, Nic’s next oldest nephew said - “you were an awesome Uncle, we love you.”

Maddox, 5, Nic’s nephew and Jaxon’s younger brother said - “Thank you for spinning us around on the trampoline, I love you.”

Austin, 4, his youngest nephew and Aidan’s brother said - “He was the best uncle to me and best brother to my mom, and he had an awesome backyard and dog! I love you

Uncle Nic.”

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Ciera Herman / HarleyJane’s Mother

Nic was an incredible guy! He was so outgoing and knew how to lighten the mood and make everyone laugh. He was such a goofball. He was handsome and mysterious.

He lived his life the way he wanted to - no questions asked. When you saw him ride a Harley you could tell he was free with a passion that would never fade.

Everything about his personality and looks drew you in and you needed to know more about him. The most amazing thing was his love; his love for his family was so strong.

When he loved someone he loved them with everything he had.

I remember the day that our daughter was born. I never saw Nic cry tears of joy until that day. It made everyone smile and you could tell Nic’s love for his baby girl was unconditional. I will always remember his hugs, his smile and his love............love for life, love for his family and love for his mini-me, HarleyJane.

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Sarah Guy - the girl in his life and his penguin.

Sarah is going to come up and read a letter from Nic

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And from his world, his daughter and the true love of his life HarleyJane who is 4 years Old

“I miss my daddy really much. I wish he was here to play with me. My daddy was really fun. He played with me all the day..........he played legos with me and watched movies and jumped on the trampoline. I love my daddy more than all the world. My daddy was

the best daddy ever.”

365 Days

What started as just another day in Shreveport changed drastically at 8:45 am (for me).

7:30 am it when it really changed, but the first thing I saw was at 8:45 on Facebook. That's when the calls from Shreveport to Wichita started, no answer just his voice message (some have told me it sounded just like mine, the apple didn't fall far apparently) then a text message at 9:09 am "call me!"  The call's to the neighbor that lived across the street, the call to the youngest asking if she had talked to her brother, what car was her mom driving, "no you are not driving to the accident to see" the call to the girlfriend, then the daughter again....(a dad just knows), throw clothes in a suitcase, grab stuff that you would never pack, load up the car and start driving north by 10:00, without knowing a thing. All because of one picture that was on Facebook. (I have that picture, it brings back a ton of anger, and this is not the place or the time to share it)

The rest of the day was a blur on the drive back to Wichita, calls back and forth to the youngest, calls to the son in laws telling them what I needed them to do, someone drive to pick up Vickie, go to Wesley and pick up the oldest, calls to the Highway Patrol that went un-returned, cancel all of my travel plans I asked, can you call my clients here are the numbers.  And then somewhere around Paris Texas at 11:41 am the call came in from my Cousin Sharron, "Kurt, this is Sharron, the Highway Patrol is trying to reach you"

That was the first real "notice" I received.  I can honestly say that I have no clue what happened from the time I made the turn at Paris until I got to Oklahoma City.

What do you do?  My "Dad/Male" brain kicked into high gear, plan a service, what happened, I need to go see his car, where do I find an urn (John was the one to call, he knew Nic's bike and he would be there), Where do we have a service, he wasn't a church'ie kind of kid so the Church that I went to as a kid wouldn't work, so many questions and no answers in those first few hours.

The texts's and Facebook posts started flying in, I didn't remember them all, but I knew there were people out there that were concerned.  (Over the past week I've gone back thru them, reread them and gotten a lot of peace from them, so thank you again)

Pull into the driveway of the youngest where everyone was sitting in the garage in a state of shock and numbness.  I'd stopped when I got to Wichita, bought a bottle of Makers Mark to toast my son, and then Cal showed up with BBQ "Kurt I hope you don't mind, but it's just something I needed to do", Aidan was impressed that Cal was an attorney and decided that he (Cal) should know more about the Constitution, Abraham Lincoln, and any other part of Presidential history you can think of.

Try to shut the brain off was not going to happen, nothing worked, it was just try to get some sleep, rest the mind because it was going to be a long week ahead.

Looking back, while I'm stilled pissed off at the news media and their fight to get the most sensationalism that they can by posting pictures of accidents (believe me, we know who's driving cars that are close to us, and where they should be) I'm actually happy that "I" was the one to be able to tell my family, rather than some Trooper that shows up to the door with the words "are you ______, I regret to inform you that _____".

Don't get me wrong, the Trooper finally did show up late in the afternoon or early evening, I can't remember, and they were upset that my oldest already knew, she being the OR Nurse had called and asked, and was told, yes we have your brother. I can't tell you how proud I am of my son in laws for stepping up that day, they didn't sign on for what they had to do.  Tell their wives, tell their mother in law, stand firm and give as much comfort as they could, until the "patriarch" arrived.

 That kid was my world, no bad memories fill my head (and my brain is a collection tool), him riding bitch with me when he was younger, wearing sweat pants over jeans because he wasn't going to look like all the other bikers in leather, the cars he had, being my own "personal" mechanic, his first Harley and no riding on the highway until you have 200 miles on backroads (who knew he'd do that in one day, countless trips around Lake Afton), the second Harley (hey mom, I was able to keep up with dad pretty easy at 110 on the turnpike) and the third one that he got from Scott, he loved that bike and ultimately would name his daughter after it.  "Hey dad, you remember when I sold my Harley and I told you I'd have another one, well that's what her name is going to be"

Planking in Shreveport, gambling in the restaurant (he sucked by the way), the Cajun food that "gave me the squirts dad, can we just have normal food", just watching him sit in the chair at Christmas watching that little girl open her presents, taking it all in, the homeless people he helped, and the last time we had a drink together at Morts and then dinner with the girls afterwards.  That ONE last picture of all of us, that image will be forever burned into my brain.

 I miss that kid and his "kid" is more and more like him everyday.  Someone asked me the other day if today was the end of the "firsts", yes it is, but now the firsts start all over again. Things that he will miss (earthly miss, since I know he's here everyday, I feel him and he let's every one of us know) her first day of school, her first dance, her first date (when she's 30), graduation, who walks her down the aisle, that first grandchild that is his.

Not to worry, I'll be doing my very best to fill in and be around long enough to take care of those things for you.

Today's a hard one, 7:30 on the spot my eyes were filled with tears, I had planned on putting flowers at the spot at precicesly that time, but something said to wait, (it was my own way of "being there" for him, since I wasn't 365 days ago), His favorite restaurant for lunch today with the girls and grandkids, then a tour of his spots in Wichita that he "stenciled", a little gathering at the Palisade Palace, then off for some alone time with him at Cheney and a toast after the ball games.  Will it be any easier tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day? Nah, just softer.

Thank you everyone who has been there this past year to listen to me rant, tell you how pissed off I am about what happened, watched me cry, gave me a hug or just "was there", whether you were near or far, it meant and still means the world to me.

Love every one of you.  Now you're going to have to indulge me while I put a few "MORE" of my favorites up.

One last thing, and yes I am the BOSS of YOU!

GO HUG YOUR KIDS, TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM, 

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS.

May 27, 2013 was just like any other day

It was Shreveport
The sun was shining
I met John and Annie at the Mud Bug Festival
There were Mud Bugs all over the place
Zydeco was the music of the day
The beer was flowing
The sweat was showing
My tan was glowing
There was a disagreement and a make up
Bed time came late that night...........who knew that my world was about to change in a matter of hours without the chance to say goodbye.

Things that make you go "What the fuck!"

It's been almost a year to THE worst day in my 56 years, a day that took my breath away, destroyed a young mans life, took a father from a daughter, took a son away from a mother and a brother from his sisters, ripped my heart out, made me scream out at the big guy upstairs of just what a rotten no good SOB he really is, where in the hell is the "caring, compassionate, giving, loving, merciful" guy that I heard so much about growing up in a parochial school and going to church non stop?

Do I wish that "this little mistake" had never happened?  Not on your life, I would not give up the 27 years, 6 months and 29 days that I had with him (good times and bad times) to eliminate the pain of just one day.

Over the past week I've had a close friend take her own life, and a friends cousin take their life.  What happened to the value of life, at what point does it become so unbearable that the only answer is to take something so precious away from those that love you. 

I have another friend that is living (in my head and heart) reckless and has a total disregard for life, not to mention showing little value of those in his life that love and care about him.  Have I lived on the reckless side?  Probably, riding a bike at 120 mph, driving a car even faster, driving a jeep up the side of a sand dune, running into burning houses, walking into a building in the pitch black to find someone inside with a gun, smoking or even drinking and driving.  Am I proud of any of those, or bragging that "hey, I survived" not even. (well, there are a couple that I'm pretty damn proud of doing)

Are we invincible?  Not even, bad things happen to all of us, there is no planning, no one has our name in a book that says, he's going to fall, she's going to be in an accident, they are going to become a terrorist or go on a shooting rampage, this one is going to take their own life, that one is going to become the victim of a car accident and that one is going to die peaceful in their sleep.

This is what I know.

• We have one life
• Life is short so love those around you
• While you're here, spend it wisely

I think that my son lived on the edge a few times, I'm certain that he used every one of his nine lives and I truely believe that he knew ahead of time what was around the corner.  There are just too many coincidences that happened the last couple of months of his short life.  Filling out the paperwork to donate his organs, a conversation about not seeing 30, playing a song and dancing with his nephews, daughter and sister just a couple of days before and taking a few pictures of himself in the 3 days before (see below).  I believe that he's still here with all of us, but I'm certain that if he had the opportunity to still be here he would.

Here ends the reading.

 

 

Etiquette

1. Recent events have taken me back to a year ago and I thought it would be a good idea to give a friendly reminder or maybe a nudge.

   
   

   Webster says: Etiquette refers to conventional forms and usages: the rules of etiquette. Decorum suggests dignity and a sense of what is becoming or appropriate for a person of good breeding: a fine sense of decorum.
Ozzie says: You don't need to know everything, you don't need to know the reason, you don't need to know how, where and when, you don't need to say you understand and you sure as hell don't need to share your opinion which in effect is a rumor you heard or one that you're creating. 
This is what is should be: I'm here for you if you need me to be, I'm here to just listen if you want me to be and a gentle hug always works best.

Choices

She had one
He didn't 
We all have them
Make sure you make the right one

While I can comprehend the choice that was made (I've been close to that final choice a couple of times since May 2013) I can't understand actually making that choice when there are so many people around that love you and would do anything for you.

Remember that the choice you make trickles down to those who love you.