Who knew a year ago?

so many changes over the past year,

a death
a birth
a move
a new job

have you ever stopped to think what the next year will bring?
does it matter, you can't make the changes not happen can you?

the past month has been a tough one, holidays that have been and the holiday that will be.  each of them without one person at the table, one person walking in the door that nephews flock to, that a daughter runs to, that act's like a goof-ball, that operates in his own world and when he's ready to go, he's ready to go.  i wonder where he got that from?

the christmas tree that was his is set up in the house that he lived in, his picture is on the tree and on christmas eve he will be a part of the ripping of the paper, the screams of little kids, the glow in the eyes of his daughter and i know he will be there with us, looking down, maybe touching us on the shoulder letting us know it's ok to miss him, it's ok to have tears, it's ok to talk about him, just remember the memories we have, the memories that we are creating and remember to share him in each one of them, the things he did for others, the times he was there to help and move his memory forward.  that's the true sharing of christmas.

i don't profess to understand everything about life, or whether you know before hand if your life will end, but i do know that i'm lucky to have met him at mort's two weeks before he left.  we had a great time, we talked, we laughed, i cried a bit and he laughed at me for crying, we left and met the girls for dinner and had one last photo taken by our waitress.

a couple of days before he left he was dancing to the song "don't you forget about me by simple minds) with his daughter, his world, his joy and the love of his life.

did he know?
did he sense it?
was it just life playing out?


no answers from me, and maybe we are not met to understand what we can't understand.  i do know that when his daughter told me the day after he left while we were looking at pictures, "if I ever start to forget my daddy you'll remind me right papa"  you can bet that you will never forget your daddy, and i'll never forget my son.

christmas has always been my favorite holiday, the tree, the lights, driving around looking at lights, meeting friends, giving back to those that can't have the christmas that i had as a kid, and the look on my kids faces when they were little and opening up the presents to the looks and smiles on the grand kids faces today are what i enjoy the most.

this christmas is going to be different but i have some great memories that help fill the void, i have six little people that fill up the space in my heart, i have some great friends that are there when i need them, and i still have him putting his hand on my shoulder, leaving a rock, tossing down a penny or flying over me saying it's ok dad, we're going to ride again and you can't believe the roads they have up here.


don't you forget about me