Things that make you go "What the fuck!"

It's been almost a year to THE worst day in my 56 years, a day that took my breath away, destroyed a young mans life, took a father from a daughter, took a son away from a mother and a brother from his sisters, ripped my heart out, made me scream out at the big guy upstairs of just what a rotten no good SOB he really is, where in the hell is the "caring, compassionate, giving, loving, merciful" guy that I heard so much about growing up in a parochial school and going to church non stop?

Do I wish that "this little mistake" had never happened?  Not on your life, I would not give up the 27 years, 6 months and 29 days that I had with him (good times and bad times) to eliminate the pain of just one day.

Over the past week I've had a close friend take her own life, and a friends cousin take their life.  What happened to the value of life, at what point does it become so unbearable that the only answer is to take something so precious away from those that love you. 

I have another friend that is living (in my head and heart) reckless and has a total disregard for life, not to mention showing little value of those in his life that love and care about him.  Have I lived on the reckless side?  Probably, riding a bike at 120 mph, driving a car even faster, driving a jeep up the side of a sand dune, running into burning houses, walking into a building in the pitch black to find someone inside with a gun, smoking or even drinking and driving.  Am I proud of any of those, or bragging that "hey, I survived" not even. (well, there are a couple that I'm pretty damn proud of doing)

Are we invincible?  Not even, bad things happen to all of us, there is no planning, no one has our name in a book that says, he's going to fall, she's going to be in an accident, they are going to become a terrorist or go on a shooting rampage, this one is going to take their own life, that one is going to become the victim of a car accident and that one is going to die peaceful in their sleep.

This is what I know.

• We have one life
• Life is short so love those around you
• While you're here, spend it wisely

I think that my son lived on the edge a few times, I'm certain that he used every one of his nine lives and I truely believe that he knew ahead of time what was around the corner.  There are just too many coincidences that happened the last couple of months of his short life.  Filling out the paperwork to donate his organs, a conversation about not seeing 30, playing a song and dancing with his nephews, daughter and sister just a couple of days before and taking a few pictures of himself in the 3 days before (see below).  I believe that he's still here with all of us, but I'm certain that if he had the opportunity to still be here he would.

Here ends the reading.