I've heard from quite a few that 2013 just wasn't the year of their choice, bad luck, bad things happen, jobs lost, the "cosmos in a state of flux"
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there were some good things that happened in 2013, I just have a tough time coming up with them,
- The birth of a Grandson on June 10th
- A move back to Wichita from Shreveport without any incidents
- A 4th birthday of Harley-Jane that Nic was able to see
- Spending a last Easter and Mothers Day with Nic
- Being able to say I love you one last time before you left
There was a lot of sad, anger, heartache and loss in 2013 that seemed to take away all of the good things, but life does go on, there are six little munchkins that with just a look in their eyes can fill up the void. They can never plug the hole or that empty space that's in my heart, but I don't think they are suppose to.
To tell you that I'm not angry would be a lie, I'm still pissed off at the big guy upstairs, I don't understand it but like someone told me back in November, there are just somethings that we're not meant to understand, so understand that you can't understand.
I was raised in a Lutheran Church and it was beat into my head that there's a book of names and dates, that the big guy gives you nothing more that you can handle, that he's testing you. I'm calling Bullshit on all of that, there's no book, he doesn't test you this way.
I believe that the key think that I derived from my religious up bringing was my belief that there is someplace beyond this earth, that your soul continues to live and that there is something out there bigger than you. Other than that, bad things happen to good people, accidents happen and you never know what one minute from now will bring.
So, kiss your kids, love your family no matter how jacked up they may be, mind your tongue, think before you speak (or as my grand father said, engage your brain before you engage your mouth), and tell the ones you love that you love them while you can.
There are a couple of more first's that I need to get through this year, HJ's first birthday without her dad and the anniversary of Nic's death. That's doesn't define 2014, it just makes for some sad times with a flood of memories. I've told a few people that there are very few memories of bad times with him, and I continue to hear stories about what a great kid he was, things I never knew or maybe I was so wrapped up in me that I didn't see them.
2014 is a new year and I wish each of you that have had one of those "crappy" 2013's the absolute best, may you receive everything you missed out on or wanted.
Now go make that call, go into the other room, stand in front of the TV, take away the video game for just a minute, send that text, skype, facetime or email and tell them you love them.
I love you all and I thank you for all of the cards, thoughts, wishes and prayers...........
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