What is this thing called Grief and what does it do to you?

I've been told;

5 Stages

7 Stages

Everyone has their own way

It doesn't get any easier, it just gets softer

You'll get over it

You need to move on

I know how you feel

I understand

He doesn't give you anything you can't handle

It's been a year, and you're still not over it?

If you trusted in God you'd be in a better place by now

I've heard it all.  

Let me tell you what this "thing called grief" does to you;

Lack of appetite

Don't really care what you eat, you just know you need to eat

Lack of sleep

Exercise that you once did and enjoyed is a stuggle

Zero energy

Difficulty socializing

Hate to hear the "how are you doing" question

Want to slap into tomorrow the person that says "I know how you feel"

In my situation you hate to listen to the news or see a Facebook post about an accident

Your heart breaks when you hear about someone loosing a child

The ones that filled you up before through no fault of their own just fill you for a short time

A temper about as long as a nano second

The need to stay busy non stop

Liquor doesn't help it but it numbs it a little bit

So, how do you handle it?  I have no damn clue, and in my life, not very well.  I tell myself that once I get past May 28th it will get easier once again (not gone, but easier).  

I've been here before, right after, right before his birthday, halloween, thanksgiving and christmas.  This is different, it started on the first of May, got worse on May 13th (anniversary of the last time I saw, talked, hugged and told him I loved him), and for the next 13 days it's going to be a bitch.  

What do you do to remember?  Do you celebrate, do you morn, do you turn the day in to a "re-birth" of his new life?  I have no clue, I'm not planning anything, maybe it's just going to "his" spot and sitting, hoping that he shines down on me with one of his winks.

This I do know;

I miss him more than I can express

I'd give anything to have one more drink, cigarette, hand shake, hug, text message or just a short conversation

I'm not nearly as strong as I once thought I was.  

To quote that kid in the picture "peace out"