1,000 days

it's day 1,000 since my baby boy left this earthly body and heaven gained a motorcycle loving angel.

day 1,000 will go unnoticed by most, it's not something that many keep track of, and honestly i would not have known had it not been for me doing what i do which is "there's an app for that"

not much has changed since that day, well that's not really true....a lot has changed.........

• there's been the birth of a grand son that i sometimes wonder if he's more in tune with nic than the rest of us are
• we've all aged just a little bit more
• that precious little girl has started school
• he was looking out for his mom, daughter and nephews on halloween when someone decided to run a red light 
• his ashes have been scatter in quite a few places, mexico, kansas, oklahoma and missouri
• he's been with me on motorcycle rides and even fallen off someplace in oklahoma, apparently he was tired of the ride or he found a special spot
• we've gathered every year on may 28th and october 29th to remember and celebrate
• i break the law a few times every year by sending up sky lanterns (if you've never lit one up you should, it's an amazing site)

i'm sure there are countless things that i could go on and on about but these are just the things that jump out at me on day 1,000.

have i moved on, gotten over it, learned to deal with it, accepted it?  hell no!!

i have days that are better than most, i'm sure that i suffer from a form of depression from it, i refuse to accept it, i told someone the other day that the only way i'll move on and get over it is when i see him again.

has it gotten easier?  yes a little, i still cry almost daily, i miss the hell out of him, i still think he's behind me when i'm on the bike, he still drops off pennies, nickels and dimes, feathers and shows up at the times when i need him the most, i'll never get over the loss of my son, there will be a hole where he was for eternity.